10 Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy

Let me start this with a disclaimer: My husband and I are grateful we were able to start a family. We were so happy to be able to create life together, even if it wasn't as quick and simple as Teen Mom leads people to believe…but really, how do teens get pregnant at the drop of a hat??

All that gratefulness aside pregnancy was NOT my cup of tea. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hated it, but I hated parts of it. Pregnancy is so rude, and I didn't feel like anyone warned me about it. I was lucky to have two of my best friends go through pregnancy at the same time as me, and here is the end result of many, many, many conversations, tears, and laughs about those 40 long weeks.

1. Age 5 was not the last time you will pee your pants. Unfortunately it is during or after pregnancy. I'm not talking little squirts when a sneeze sneak attacks you before you can cross your legs and brace your urethra for the impending disaster. I'm talking full blown pee trickling down your leg. When you are hugging the porcelain throne and vomming so hard you pee, don't say you weren't warned.

2. Your nipples will hurt. This was one of the first give aways that I was pregnant. They will feel like a million pins are pricking them, or as the best way I could describe it- titty twisters. All day. Every day. So rude.

3. Normal bowel movements will be a thing of the past. Yes, fully aware that is gross, but so is pregnancy and giving birth. There will be weeks where you will overdose on fiber and stool softeners. Sometimes even that won't do the trick. Your baby is cozy in there and wants to keep all holes plugged.

4. The Mucus Plug. You may be wondering what "all holes plugged" meant. Here is your answer, and the most disgusting rude secret about pregnancy. You will lose a mucus plug at some point towards the end of your pregnancy. For some this signals labor, and for the unlucky others it is just a disgusting slime slug of false hope that drops out of you when you least expect it. By this point you will most likely be wearing a pad or liner on the daily anyway, so don't fret.

5. Vagina batting practice. You will feel like someone is taking a bat to your crotch. There will be sharp pain, aching, and even swelling. Not to mention a small creature literally kicking you in the vag from the inside. It doesn't discriminate either, your abdomen and pelvis will get to experience the action too.

6. Peeing ALL THE TIME. The struggle is so real. Refer to #1, because if you don't make it to a bathroom it will hurt so bad you will see no other option then to pop a squat or pee your pants. You think you will sleep peacefully until that baby arrives? WRONG. That sweet bundle of joy finds joy by bouncing on your bladder. Some nights I had to waddle my way to the bathroom every hour. Always just when I had finally fallen back asleep.

7. Stretch marks cannot be controlled. You don't want them? Too flipping bad, they smell that fear and attack. They come after the people that want them least, and love to wait to ambush until the last minute. You think you're home free because you are 38 weeks? Give it a few days. No amount of oil, lotion, or praying will stop them, so you might as well embrace it.

8. Not everyone gets cravings. I wish someone had told me that cravings weren't a guarantee. I wish someone had warned me that morning sickness could be all day and all pregnancy sickness. The only thing I craved by the end was a glass of wine, a daily poop, and pain free pelvis.

9. Hormones are a B. Pregnancy shouldn't turn you into a pickle eating lunatic, but they will get the best of you for at least a 5 minute window at some point during your 40 weeks. Especially if you turn to webmd or google to find out what that pain in your uterus is (girl, it's just your baby doing baby growing stuff). For me it was the budweiser commericial during super bowl. I mean who doesn't lose it when you see a floppy eared puppy in a sappy ad. I possibly cried at one point because I just needed a glass of wine and refused to give into the "one glass won't hurt." Who stops at one glass anyway??

10. None of it matters in the end. Most importantly, none of the miserable or painful bits matter. I'm sure you have heard this one, but I'm hear to tell you it's true. The minute you see your baby and hold them it all fades away...at least for a little while. I'll save the aftermath for a later post.

#Family #LIFE